Controlling behaviour in a relationship severely damages the connection between two folks and erodes respect and belief, in the end main what was as soon as a fantastically pure bond into one thing irritating, unhealthy, and alarming to remain in. To keep up a contented and balanced relationship, it’s necessary to know, settle for, and respect that each particular person is completely different, and one ought to need to be with them for who they’re, as a substitute of fantasizing about an idealized model of them created within the thoughts.
It’s also equally necessary to know why some people show controlling and dominating behaviour and sensible methods to confront it. In case you are somebody who’s in a controlling and manipulative relationship, right here’s the right alternative so that you can get to the basis of it and get sensible options for tips on how to successfully maintain it, whereas additionally making certain that you just respect the sentiments of your different half. So, dive in!
Why do folks attempt to management and alter their companions?
There have been a number of detailed psychological research and analysis carried out which have found that controlling behaviour usually manifests itself from deeply rooted psychological points in addition to works as a coping mechanism for unmet wants in a relationship. Whereas these points might be extremely subjective for each particular person, let’s talk about some widespread causes for such behaviour:
Anxious attachment kinds in a relationship
There are several types of attachment kinds, a number of the widespread ones are safe attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment. Right here, anxious attachment could be a important reason behind controlling and manipulating behaviour. A person with such points may flip to be controlling, considering it’ll assist them keep stability of their relationship, fearing and going through difficulties in wholesome types of expression and communication.
Unrealistic expectations
On this period of social media and trendy cinema, the expectations are requirements are beginning to get extremely unrealistic and troublesome to satisfy. People, simply influenced by them may try to alter and form their companions into an ‘superb model’, which, in reality, doesn’t exist! They could consider that that is the last word approach to obtain happiness of their relationship, which in actuality, does nothing however sabotage it additional.
Previous trauma and abuse
People with a background of trauma and abuse of their previous relationships, and even life typically similar to childhood abuse, neglect, witnessing home violence or traumatic loss may need adopted the mentality of getting management over their associate as a means of defending themselves and to manage at any time when they really feel threatened.
Low vanity and insecurity
One other important and mostly recognized purpose for the controlling behaviour is the sensation of insecurity in people. Individuals with low vanity rising up may see having management over their associate as a safety and affirmation and reassurance of affection for them. Such people may convey up unreasonable requests for his or her companions simply to see if they’d do or settle for it and in the event that they didn’t, they could understand it as an indication that their associate isn’t in love with them anymore. They could use phrases similar to “If you happen to love me, you’ll…”.
Now that we have now gotten an in-depth perception into the explanations behind controlling behaviour, it’s important to determine the delicate however essential indicators that spotlight a associate could be making an attempt to alter or management you. Right here’s tips on how to determine such red-flag behaviours:
Makes an attempt to maintain you remoted
Isolation techniques are a delicate however highly effective device, in the end main them to attain 24/7 consideration and making you considerably depending on them by steadily making you restrict your interactions along with your family members. This may contain pressuring you to all the time spend time with them, creating pointless drama and conflicts stopping you from hangout along with your family and friends.
Criticism within the title of concern
One other signal could be getting constant criticism! Your associate may all the time carry on criticizing the points of your life, your wills and decisions, look, or behaviour in an try and mould you to their desires. They could declare this criticism as an act of care and need you to be a greater model of your self, however the actuality lies in them wanting management of your life by slowly and subtly damaging your vanity.
Ignoring your boundaries
Your associate may regularly attempt to push your boundaries, not respecting your private area. This may present itself within the type of forcing and emotionally manipulating you to do issues in opposition to your will, pressuring you to spend extra time with them, all the time calling and texting you, and dismissing your preferences.
Coping with such difficult and controlling behaviour in a relationship might be troublesome and requires important consideration and being considerate in your approaches, ensuring of each your well-being in addition to making certain to not be harsh and disrespectful to your associate. To regain the management of your life, listed below are some sensible tricks to observe:
Set clear boundaries
Clearly and assertively outline your boundaries. Letting your associate know is a vital step in regaining your management. Talk politely but firmly, mentioning what you might be comfy with and what not. As an illustration, in the event you require time and private area for your self, make these wants identified to your associate. Make sure that to not let these boundaries be crossed and be constant in them.
Foster your independence
Whereas it’s good to be depending on and healthily want one another, it’s equally or relatively extra necessary to not let your individuality be at stake. Concentrate on changing into extra self-reliant and assured in your self by making time for your self, and pursuing your particular person targets, passions, and hobbies. Being self-reliant, each emotionally and financially is the way you regain management of your life.
Search skilled assist
Speaking to knowledgeable similar to a relationship counsellor or a therapist might be extremely useful in a difficult scenario like this. They’re specialised people who may help you and your associate perceive the connection dynamics higher and supply particular methods and techniques to assist deal with controlling behaviour in addition to provide help to construct stronger vanity and confidence in your self.
And so, coping with a associate who displays controlling behaviour might be difficult but essential for sustaining a contented and wholesome relationship. Tamannah Bhatia’s insights about not making an attempt to alter your associate spotlight the immense significance of mutual respect and setting clear boundaries. By getting help, establishing wholesome boundaries, and embracing and fostering individuality, it’s potential to enhance your relationship dynamics whereas attaining a wonderfully blissful and joyful connection along with your associate.
